i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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