Jerry, you need to find god
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
