Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
