We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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