i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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