So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
