Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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