How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
