your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
