If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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