my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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