I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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