i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
