Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize