I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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