dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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