fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
