her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
