He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
