i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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