the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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