Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
