like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
