The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
