I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am mentally ready for anal.
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