Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
