I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
