I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
