his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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