is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
