i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize