nut hugger
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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