The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize