You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I party with great urgency now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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