I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
