dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
