A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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