Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
