im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
