If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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