so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
