ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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