He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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