My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
