you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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