I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
