I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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