thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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