I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
