summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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