So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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