I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
