ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
