I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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