3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
