just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
