idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
smell my finger.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
