I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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