i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
