my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
