so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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