I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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