u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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