Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
