Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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