2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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