Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
