So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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