Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
