I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
