I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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