Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's just like the Real World with babies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize