i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
