dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
