remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
too bad you live with your parents still
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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