Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
