she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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