three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
