Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
