so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
