Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
