Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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