between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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